Fore Play
by RedWingNut
Summary: Bella is the lucky recipient of Edward's 'hole in one' on the golf course. One Shot. AU/AH. Humorous smut.


Disclaimer – I don't own Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

No Beta.

Bella is home for the summer from college and working as an on course drinks person.

The intro will be in EPOV, while the rest of the story will be in BPOV.

**EPOV**

_Her long, glossy, mahogany hair sliding through my fingers._

I gripped myself a bit harder.

_Her red, plump, juicy lips wrapping around my dick. _

My strokes became faster and faster. I was at the edge.

_The swirl of that velvety tongue._

So close now_._

_Big, brown, doe eyes looking up at me with desire from under thick, black lashes._

"Shit!" I gasped quietly, my balls tightened and I pumped my cock furiously as I came. I braced my free hand against the wall as long streams of jizz went flying everywhere.

BAM! BAM! BAM!

I jumped at the sudden knocking on the door, almost yanking my johnson clean off my body.

"Hey, Edward! Come on bro, I gotta go - NOW!"

Thanks, Jazz, way to ruin the mood. My post orgasmic bliss was replaced with mild panic.

"Fuck, Jazz, give me a sec, will ya? Can't a guy use the toilet in peace? " I yelled back. Crap, I needed to get my spunk off the sink or I'd never hear the end of it.

I zipped up my pants, quickly grabbed some paper towels and wiped away the evidence of my brief interlude with Manuella. I washed my hands and snorted in disgust. Why was I actually bothering to clean up the place? This was a port-a-potty for christ's sake; there were stains everywhere. Granted, it was a lot nicer than most, but it still had the signature port-a-potty ambience – it stunk.

My lusty feelings for Bella were suddenly replaced with ones that weren't so friendly. Only she could make me so horny that I was forced to jerk off in a shithole – pun intended.

Throwing the towels into the toilet, I slammed the lid back down and pushed through the green plastic door. Jazz was standing right outside doing a damn good impersonation of Michael Flatley and his Irish Leg Flailing thing. Or, it could've been Jazz's own version of the potty dance. It was tough to tell since all that shit looked the same to me.

"I did ask if anyone else had to pee and you guys said no." I reminded him pointedly. Putting on my cockiest grin I asked, "Did you really have to go, Jazz? Or were you just hoping to hold it for me?"

He threw me a dirty look and disappeared inside.

Less than 15 seconds later I heard Jazz crow, "Ha! I knew it! Emmett, I won! You owe me twenty bucks, you bastard!"

I turned to Emmett, looking for an explanation. He was leaning against the golf cart and scowling. The enormous muscles of his arms flexed ominously. I took a hasty step back_. _

"Jesus, Edward," he spat, "couldn't you wait to get home before whacking off? That was my beer money for after the game!" More swearing and grumbling followed.

I was baffled. According to my watch I wasn't in there for more than a few minutes. Getting off never took long when I was thinking of Bella. So how in the hell could they know what I was doing? I didn't scream or moan. Did Jasper find some cum I missed? I stopped trying to figure it out when the image of him sticking his finger in some leftover bodily fluid popped up. Ew.

The door to the port-a-potty suddenly flew open and a triumphant looking Jazz emerged. He punched Emmett in the arm and whooped, "Ha! Pay up, motherfucker!" He held out his hand expectantly, while Emmett glared at him. "Cough it up, dude. You're not getting out of this. I can't believe you bet against the power of Bella's charms."

"Now wait just a minute," I said, getting irritated as Emmett reluctantly reached for his wallet, "you mean to tell me that you were betting on whether or not I was jacking off in there?" I shook my head in disgust and wondered if it was time to get some new best friends. "Really guys, what the fuck was that about?"

Jazz folded up his newly won twenty and shoved it in his pocket. "Ask him," he nodded his blonde head at Emmett. "He's the one who was stupid enough to bet against the odds. Don't know what the hell he was thinking. Don't care, either. I made an easy twenty." He reached out, clapped me on the shoulder and beamed, "Thanks, man!"

Emmett still looked disgruntled. "Jazz said you'd go have a wank within 30 minutes of Bella taking off. I said you'd wait until you got home." His blue eyes narrowed in thought and he turned to Jasper. "How do I know he actually did it? You could be lying."

Jasper's nose wrinkled.

I'm surprised he could smell anything with the eau du port-a-potty reek going on. I made a mental note to pack some air freshener in my bag for next time. Next time? Was I actually contemplating masturbating in there again? _'Be honest,'_ I told myself, _'you get way too horny to make it all the way back to the clubhouse, so what do you think?' _Perhaps I could find a concealing clump of trees nearby?

I scoped out the sunny, green terrain and evaluated all the foresty bits.

Emmett continued to look suspicious. "There's no way you smelled anything in there, not over the usual stink." Jazz shrugged. He already had Emmett's twenty so he didn't care. "Fine," Emmett commented curtly and then proceeded to cram himself into the port-a-potty and shut the door. I gaped in disbelief. There were some loud snuffling noises and then, "Damn it, Eddie!"

What the fuck!? When did this day go from normal to insane as hell? I woke up this morning thinking I'd get in a relaxing round of golf, stare shamelessly at Bella's magnificent boobs and then go grab some beers with the guys. What am I doing instead? I'm standing next to an outhouse with spunk sniffing friend one, while waiting on spunk sniffing friend two.

Dear God, my best friends are experts at sniffing out cum! Because this situation was starting to feel like Jazz and Emmett had lured me onto the set of a bad gay porno, I freaked out.

"Okay, yes!" I shouted hysterically at the closed door. "I admit it! I was doing it in the port-a-potty!" I anxiously looked around for hidden cameras.

The door opened and a resigned Emmett came out. He took several big gulps of fresh air while I tried to gather the remains of my tattered dignity. I was comforted by the thought that they could never mention this to anyone. If they did, I would gleefully relate what part their noses played in all this.

Jazz smirked at him. "See, I told you he did it."

Emmett threw me one last nasty look and then wrestled his large frame into the driver's seat of the cart. "Come on, losers, let's go. I need to win some money back. Closest to the pin gets fifty bucks."

I sat down heavily next to Jazz in the other cart and he took off at top speed after Emmett.

It was time to give some serious thought to my Bella situation. After 4 weeks of heavy flirting it was time to man up. My balls had bypassed the blue stage and were now black. The teasing about Bella from my so called best friends was going to get worse. Only my quick reflexes earlier today had prevented Jazz from depantsing me in front of her.

I was sure she liked me. She spent a lot of time bending over the cart, giving me wonderful glimpses of her boobs. She laughed at all of our jokes. But best of all, she was always smiling at me. It lit up her whole face. Made her the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

I really needed to ask her out on a date. Soon.

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**BPOV**

I vividly remember the first time I _saw_ Edward Cullen. Why? Because one moment I was staring at the face of Adonis and the next I was unconsciously performing fellatio on the beer bottle I was holding. Performing it badly, I might add. I could never control my gag reflex.

I spent the next 5 minutes doubled over and coughing, trying to get my breath back. When I finally got myself under control Edward was gone. I look at that as a good thing. He didn't witness my piss poor imitation of Madonna.

I don't vividly remember the first time I _met_ Edward Cullen. I only recall bits and pieces. Why? Because I was rather shit faced.

I do recall the meeting took place about an hour after I first saw him. And during that hour I had been driving around the golf course, serving players drinks and taking lots of pulls from my private stash of di Saronno. I wanted some liquid courage for when we finally met. I can remember Edward's emerald green eyes, his gorgeous smile and killer body. I also recall that he was admiring a titanium driver with an enormous head.

The driver inspired the only comment I can remember. "Damn, Edward," I said as innocently as I could while drunk and horny, "you've got a huge head! I bet you don't have any problems hitting the sweet spot with that monstrosity."

I swore I saw Edward blush as I drove away laughing.

Normally, I'd be mortified if I made a comment like that, but Blitzed Bella came through like a champ. She was never ashamed of her words or actions. Plus, she was confident that we'd never see Edward again.

Boy, was that bitch wrong.

In the past 6 weeks, I had met up with Edward and at least one of his buddies a total of 13 times. Tuesdays and Saturdays quickly became my favorite days of the week.

Jasper and Emmett were hilarious. If it weren't for the fact that Edward was pure male perfection, I would've happily gone after one of his friends. After my rather flirty comment the first time we all met, Jazz and Emmett took it upon themselves to make not so subtle innuendos whenever I was around. Seriously, sports are made for crude, sexual jokes.

Such as –

Emmett: "Hey, Edward, you're slicing left. You may want to show Bella how you grip your shaft. She's worked here awhile and probably can tell if you're holding your club wrong."

Jasper: "Hey, Edward, since Bella's around golfers all the time I'm sure she can help you lower your score. You were aiming for a 69, right?"

And so on.

The more comfortable the guys became around me, the raunchier the comments got. I never minded. I enjoyed watching Edward roll his eyes, slap one of his friends upside the head or blush. The blushing killed me. It made him so fuckdorable. It also gave me hope that Edward thought of me in a sexual way. I'd be thrilled to star in his naughty fantasies. I'd be more thrilled to bring those fantasies to life.

Lord knows I gave him plenty of signals. I smiled a lot, made eye contact and asked him all about himself. And I always leaned far enough over the back of the cart to give him a good look at my boobs. Or my ass. It didn't matter where he was standing. I fucking made sure some T or A was pointed in his direction.

Edward liked boobies the best, I could tell. Lately, he spent more time talking to the twins than he did me. I didn't mind – at all. If Jasper and Emmett hadn't been around, I would've stripped off my shirt and bra and let him have a more intimate conversation with them. I was curious to know if he talked with his hands as well as his mouth.

Since I'd been in a constant state of arousal for the past month, I decided it was time for the next step. Actual sex. With Edward. If I could get it. I was pretty sure I could since his last comment to me was – "Hey, Bella, it looks like the cup has been moved. Can you help me find the hole?" If that wasn't a blatant invite to do the nasty, I don't know what was.

I was damn proud of myself for not throwing Edward down in the rough - to get rough. My lust filled brain did a reality check and realized that Morty, the course manager, probably wouldn't approve of our getting jiggy with it on the 8th hole. Then again Morty lusted after Edward too so he might not mind. I wondered if I should ever let Edward know that all the free rounds of golf he gets are because Morty really wants to play Edward's back nine? Probably not.

I shook my head free of the nasty images of Morty and Edward going at it and got back to making my decision about what to wear today. It was Tuesday and I would be seeing Edward in less than an hour. For sex. Okay, golf first and then sex. I hoped. I don't think I misread his signals, but I have screwed up in the past with other guys.

I stared at the two tank tops I had laid out. One was a v neck, royal blue tank top that was thin and didn't have a built in bra. The other was hunter green and had a built in bra. I slipped on the blue.

Bending over in this shirt would allow Edward to see my nipples. It was time for the wonder twins to work all the magic they could. I considered a pair of lacy blue panties, but tossed them back into my underwear drawer. Since I wasn't bothering with the bra, why bother with undies? The less clothing I wore, the faster Edward could get his hands and tongue on all my lady parts. I scrounged around in my closet for my matching blue skirt. It was wrinkly, but clean.

When I finally finished dressing, I stood in front of my mirror and I gave myself one last looky lou. Slightly slutty clothes? Check. No underwear? Check. Everything shaved or waxed? Check. Fresh Depo shot? Check.

I was calm when I sailed out the door and into my car. I was calm as I loaded up Bella's Booze Buggy. I was still cool as cucumber when I began to cruise around the cart paths and serve drinks to the elderly players dressed in puke inducing plaid.

That calm vanished when I spotted the messy bronze head of Edward Cullen trying to use the ball washer.

I slammed on the brakes, turned off the motor and curled up into a whimpering, sniveling lump on the seat.

There was no way I could do this. He was six feet of toned perfection and I was nothing more than average looking. Average height, average weight, average hair color - blah, blah, blah. I swiped my bottle of Myers from under the seat and took several large swallows. I needed to get some confidence. And that meant I needed Brazen Bella. Brazen could always be found in a fifth of … well, anything. She wasn't picky about her alcohol. I preferred Brazen to Blitzed in a situation like this because Brazen usually had some type of tact. Blitzed was as tactful as a bull in a china shop. I wanted to have sex with Edward; not scare the beejesus out of him.

I wiped the back of my hand under my nose, hopefully removing any traces of snot and swallowed another mouthful of rum. Just a few shots more and I was sure Brazen would surface.

I continued to wallow in self pity as I waited for the booze to kick in. I stared shamelessly at Edward, too. Shit, he was beautiful. He never wore silly golf clothes like Emmett. Today, Edward had on khaki shorts and a black wife beater. The shorts clung to that amazing ass and the tight shirt gave me a breathtaking view of those sculptured arms and shoulders. Where he picked up a tan in this sunless wasteland I'll never know. The tan made his green eyes pop and his smile blindingly white. I had to admit that my most frequent fantasy of Edward wasn't about sex. My favorite daydream was one where I ran my hands all over his silky, tanned skin.

"Shit. Damn it. Cock sucker."

Edward was still messing with the ball washer.

I packed away the rum and got out of the cart, taking a moment to adjust my breasts under the shirt and check for leftover snot. I squared my shoulders and strutted over the grass to where he was wrestling with the plunger. I could feel the rum percolating through my veins. Gotta love false courage.

I looked around for Emmett and Jasper, but it appeared that Edward was alone today. Yes, there is a god!

"Problem washing your balls, Edward?"

Sigh. Blitzed had evidently shown up instead of Brazen. Too bad the bitch didn't leave the cheesy ass porn lines at home. Well, now I knew who wrote the silly ass dialogue for skin flicks.

Edward quit messing with the machine and turned to look at me, startled. "Sorry, Bella," he said sheepishly. Apparently he hadn't heard my crude joke. "It doesn't seem to want to go down."

Going down? Oh, god. I struggled against the overwhelming urge to drop to my knees and take him my mouth. I did a half assed genuflection before I got my legs under control.

"Did you want me to have Jack fix it? He's on duty today." I asked politely as he resumed his war with the washer. The muscles under his arms and shoulders flexed. My nipples saluted the sight.

"No," he grunted as he finally slammed the plunger into the hole. "I've got it."

I didn't know which was worse – watching the play of Edward's muscles as he worked the ball washer or watching the plunger slide in and out. Both were making me hornier than a virginal tweenage girl at a Twilight convention. I gazed at the nearby port-a-potty instead. There was nothing even remotely sexual about an outhouse.

"Got any Bass Ale for me today?"

I turned back around and smirked. "Of course. And I made sure it's not too cold, Mr. Beer Snob." Edward didn't like his English beer really cold. Ruined the flavor he said.

He threw back his head and laughed. The husky sound vibrated down my spine, making me weak in the knees.

"Here," Edward said still laughing, and he handed me some golf balls he had taken from his pockets. "Hold these, would you? I'm not sure how the hell my balls get so dirty, but the mud and grass ruin their air time." There was a wicked gleam in his eye as he said it.

Well, fuck me. Someone's being a very naughty boy.

I watched in detached bemusement as my right hand reached out on its own and slid underneath the hem of his loose shorts. I gently cupped his balls and let my fingers glide over his soft skin. Oh, yes, very nice. There were several soft plops as the golf balls Edward was holding dropped from his nerveless fingers. His expression was one of tortured ecstasy as I fondled the boys.

I squinted in concentration as my hand inspected his nuts, "Nope, your balls are clean Edward. Not dirty in the least." He was breathing like he'd just run the Boston Marathon.

I withdrew my hand and sauntered away as casually as I could, considering I'd just felt up the man of my dreams. "Well, I should really get back to work. I'll see you later."

I snuck a quick glance over my shoulder. Edward was leaning heavily against the ball washer with his eyes closed. The front of his shorts had an impressive tent.

Grinning from ear to ear, I slammed down on the accelerator and took off for the next hole. Go me! I had the balls - to feel up his balls! Blitzed Bella kindly pointed out that if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have done it.

I ignored the two bit whore.

An hour later I was sitting on the back of my empty cart, feet planted firmly on the bumper and contemplating my next move. Should I go home and wait for our next meeting or seek Edward out and ask him if he wanted to feel me up in return?

I squinted up at the partially cloudy sky hoping there was an answer written there. Nope, no clouds shaped likes penises or boobies or butts.

I downed a swallow of Myers and scoped out the rest of my surroundings. I was parked at the back of the building near the kitchen door. It felt like being in a large, concrete cubicle. Two of the three walls were blank. And the third sported the rusty kitchen door. None of the walls had inspiring graffiti like – "Fuck him already, Bella!"

I sighed and looked at the putting green in front of me. It was the one view that wasn't made up of cement. The putting green was a soothing contrast to the dull gray of the concrete. And it was just as empty and lonely as my vagina.

Maybe I should just go home and call Jake. He'd be thrilled to get a booty call from me. He always wanted to get physical. But I could never bring myself to sleep with him. After our one and only date, I knew we could never be anything more than friends. Kissing Jake was like kissing a brother – there were no sparks. I wondered what the hell was wrong with me because Jake was a lovely man in a lovely body.

I chugged some more booze. Christ, I was going to be a fucking basket case if I considered my piss poor love life anymore.

I flopped onto my back and winced as my head hit the rubberized cargo bed. It was great for keeping the booze from sliding around, but not so great as a cushion. I closed my eyes and tried to relax.

I heard, but ignored, the footsteps coming around the corner and into my hiding spot. I continued to ignore whoever the fuck it was when they stopped in front of me. I dismissed the feeling of being stared at as 'just my imagination' and wiggled around in order to find a more comfy spot.

There was a sharp intake of breath and what I swore sounded like a …. zipper?

Before I could make a move there was a resounding thud by my ear. What the hell!?

My eyes flew open and I found myself staring up at Edward.

Oh dear lord, he was between my legs, leaning over me. The thud next to my ear had been his hand coming down to support his weight.

And he was smiling at me. Well, okay, he was smirking actually. And that smirk was making my insides all flustered. It seemed to be an amused smirk that said, _'Oh, Bella, the naughty things I'm going to do you.'_ But it could've actually been saying, _'Oh, Bella, I'm going to get you all hot and bothered and then leave your ass high and dry.' _

Considering I'd left him with a boner on the 4th hole I couldn't rule out the high and dry stuff.

And then I remembered that my feet were still planted on the bumper. Fuck! I was going commando. I bet that horny pervert had looked up my skirt!

'_Well, duh. You were the one that wanted Edward to look at your privates, remember?'_' scoffed Blitzed Bella. _'And you call me a two bit whore.'_

I pretended not to hear that.

Think, Bella, think! You need to say something, damn it! Don't just lay there like a bump on a log! Do something! But his face was taking on a seriously smoldering look and the only thing I could stutter out were a couple of "Arghs." Followed by some "Unghs." Classy.

I lay helplessly enthralled as his eyes turned dark and his gaze locked on my lips. His head slowly lowered and then he was kissing me. With his full, sensuous mouth, I always knew he'd be a fabulous kisser. And I was right. His lips were warm and tasted like mint. I moaned softly and slid my arms around his neck, wanting him as close as possible.

His tongue slipped deftly between my lips and the kiss deepened into something extraordinary. He was effortlessly taking control of my body. I was so aroused by our kissing that it didn't matter what he wanted of me, he could have it.

A large hand drifted down my side. Edward caressed my hip and then slipped the skirt up around my waist. His hand slid under my thigh and my legs spread even wider. And then I knew I hadn't imagined the zipper sound before. I could feel his arousal. The tip of his dick was pressing against my swollen clit, moving in agonizingly slow circles over it. After a month of verbal foreplay, I wasn't going to last long. I was so close to going off like a rocket. I swore that Edward was going to make me combust into a pile of ashes before we could get down to actually fucking.

I bucked up against him because the erotic sensations he was creating all over my body were becoming too much. I could feel him laugh softly at my impatience. The laugh turned into a growl when I suddenly broke the kiss and started to chant his name over and over as I came. I held onto his broad shoulders for dear life as I rode out the explosion.

My tremors hadn't totally subsided when I felt him thrust into me. I gasped and arched my back off the cart. He buried his head into the crook of my neck and I felt a small shudder go through him. The grip on my thigh was gone so I wrapped my legs around him, pushing that marvelous cock all the way inside me. I was greedy as hell and wanted to feel every inch of him.

"Edward?" I said in confusion when he suddenly stood up. It was a miracle that despite his new position he had managed to keep our bodies connected.

Afraid that he had decided on the high and dry option after all, I clamped my legs tighter around him. A second later he was back to leaning over me, but now he was shirtless. All those sleek, tanned muscles were glistening in the evening sun. He was so achingly beautiful. I wanted all of that tantalizing bare skin against mine. I fumbled with my tank top; my haste to get rid of it making my fingers clumsy. The shirt was barely over my head before Edward was tugging a nipple into his mouth.

I let my fingers slide through his hair, marveling at its softness as he slowly began to move in and out of me.

"Oh, god, Edward," I breathed as I met him thrust for thrust. I didn't care about the large bruise I'd have on my tailbone tomorrow. "You have no idea how good that feels."

His head came up and those green eyes were boring into mine. I was stunned by the ferocious look. There was no softness in it this time, only pure, unadulterated need.

"Come on, baby," he panted against my mouth. "Tell me how you like to be fucked." His breath was hot against my skin and his one free hand slid under my ass, tilting my hips up. The new angle drove him deeper inside of me.

I was pretty sure I told him to screw me harder because a second later he was pounding into me like a battering ram. He was using so much force that he had to tighten his grip to prevent my head from hitting the wall of the cart.

I could only cling to Edward while he fucked me senseless. My finger nails dug into his back, holding me as steady as possible. My tongue traced a path along his jaw and I enjoyed the salty taste of his sweat. I reveled in the sensation of his naked skin on mine.

Small, nuclear explosions were taking place everywhere inside of me while I whispered dirty things in his ear. His body would jump in pleasure with each naughty word. His enjoyment was feeding mine. Every one of his gasps or moans brought me that much closer to the brink.

A hard squeeze to my ass set me off. I called out Edward's name again as the blood pounded in my ears and my body threatened to fly apart. I let a tidal wave of pure bliss pull me under.

I wasn't sure if it was seconds or minutes later, but I could suddenly feel Edward's body coiling for release. I kissed the side of his neck and then bit down. He slammed into me once, twice and with a groan of, "Damn, Bella!" came inside me.

I lazily stroked his back as he collapsed on top of me. It took us both a few minutes to recover.

He was still breathing rather heavily when he pulled us both upright. I managed to get a good look at his naked form before Edward tugged his shorts back in place. He shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes. It was a crime to cover up something so gorgeous. I sighed dramatically.

He caught me ogling and snickered. "Bella, due to the fact you know more euphemisms for the word fuck than a thesaurus, I'm sure you've seen a naked man before." He handed me my shirt.

I rolled my eyes at him as I yanked on my tank top and smoothed down my skirt. Shit, no panties. I grimaced as Edward's 'gift' started sliding wetly down my legs.

He pulled me closer and I wrapped my arms around his neck, grinning foolishly up at him. The world was a fucking wonderful place after you've been sexed up by Edward Cullen.

"You're lucky you're irresistible. I could've gotten you all worked up and then left," he said sternly as one of his hands snuck under my shirt. "After that little stunt you pulled earlier, I would've been justified."

I gave him my best wide eyed, angelic look. "What stunt?"

"You left me with a stiffy. Right after you took off, Mrs. Woodson's group caught up with me. They got quite an eyeful."

I giggled at the thought of 73 year old Elsie and her cronies encountering his extra 'club'. "I just bet they did!" I ground my crotch against his. "Didn't I tell you…." I trailed off as the kitchen door opened and Chris, the cook, came out. Edward quickly removed his hand from my boob.

"Hey, Bella," he said, nodding at me and Edward in greeting. "I got that order of fried rice you wanted."

A brown bag was thrust at me. I took it, thanking Chris profusely for making my favorite dish. He gave me a quick nod and smile before heading back into the building.

"Oh, and Bella," he paused for a moment by the door and in a perfectly even tone said, "you might want to wipe all that cum off your legs before someone else notices."

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I'm sure the 'tweenager at the Twilight convention' line has been used before. I've never read it in a story, but I'm sure such a line is out there.

This was my first attempt at writing a short(er) one shot. And I'm still not sure if I like it or not. I think I need more practice.


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